


Sam Winchester Wants Earplugs for His Birthday

by wolfgirl720



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Borderline crack, Bunker Fic, Jody is a good friend, M/M, Sam's Birthday, Sam-Centric, Sorry?, everyone ships it, no explicit sex, or maybe just straight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 11:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11988807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfgirl720/pseuds/wolfgirl720
Summary: Dean and Cas have very inopportune timing. Sam calls his favorite sheriff for some crisis management.





	Sam Winchester Wants Earplugs for His Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Just a humorous little ficlet to brighten your day! Feedback is always appreciated :-)

“Come on, come on, pick up…” Sam mumbled to himself, listening to the phone dial out. Why did this shit always happen to him?

“Jody Mills,” came the answer.

“Oh, thank God,” Sam responded.

“Sam? What’s wrong? Are you guys okay?” Sam could hear her burst into action, probably about to speed all the way out to Kansas if there was an emergency.

“Oh… crap, sorry, yeah, nobody’s dying or anything,” he added hurriedly. “I need some advice.”

The background noises stopped. “Oh,” she said, surprised. “How can I help?”

Sam felt his face heat up. “Okay, well, this is probably _way_ too much information, but… Dean and Cas are having sex.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s awesome! We were starting to think it would never happen!”

“Ok but the… wait, _we_?” He shook his head. “Nevermind. What I mean is that they’re having sex _right now_.”

“And?”

“ _And_ , it’s the second. Which means-”

“Which means it’s your birthday- Happy birthday, Sam!”

“And?” Sam prompted.

“And…” Jody gasped in understanding. “Your mother is supposed to be coming over for dinner.”

“Bingo. Mom is supposed to be here in ten minutes and nothing’s ready and they’re being _really_ loud.”

He heard Jody crack up over the line. “Shut up. It’s not funny. There’s no way I’m explaining to my mom that my brother is having kinky gay sex with an angel in the other room.”

Jody just laughed harder. Sam was still too traumatized to find the humor in this situation; there’s nothing quite like hearing your big brother moan “hold me down and fuck me hard” to put you off your lunch.

“Jody, come on,” Sam begged. “I need to know what I should do!”

Jody composed herself on the other end of the line. “Well, how about you take Mary out for coffee or something? Just tell her Dean and Cas are finishing the cooking and they wanted you to have some quality time with her.”

Sam took a deep breath, nodding pointlessly into the phone. “That might work.”

“It will. Just make sure you-” Jody’s voice cut off as Sam heard the faint sound of a door opening on her end of the call. “Hey, girls,” she called out. “Guess what? Dean and Cas finally got together!”

“Jody!” Sam squealed through the phone. He did _not_ need Claire and Alex to know about this, and he did _not_ have time for Jody to get sidetracked when his mom was about to arrive at any minute.

He heard Claire yell something, sounding triumphant, and he was pretty sure he heard a groan from Alex. Jody came back to the call. “Sorry, Claire’s had twenty bucks resting on that for _years_ ,” she chuckled. “When you guys aren’t around, she refers to them as her ‘two gay dads.’”

Against his will, Sam found himself cracking a smile at that. “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty funny... But what were you saying before they came in? About what I should make sure I do?”

“Oh, I was just going to say to leave a note and tell them what’s going on, and that they owe you. Big time.”

“Understatement of the friggin’ year,” Sam replied, already grabbing the notepad and pen that rested on the kitchen counter.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. Have a good time with your mom, and tell the boys we say ‘congrats,’” Jody practically giggled the last bit.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Bye, Jody. Talk to you soon. And, uh, thanks.”

“Any time, Sam.”

Sam ended the call and shoved his phone into his pocket. He quickly scrawled out a note:

       “ _Taking mom out for coffee. Be back by 6._

_Have dinner ready when we get back._

_With at least 1 type of vegetable- you fucking owe me_.”

He hesitated a moment, then sighed and added, “ _P.S.- I’m happy for you guys_.”

Sam jogged down the hall towards Dean’s room, humming to himself as loudly as possible to try to drown out the noises. He hastily slipped the note under the door, startling as something heavy (presumably Dean) was slammed into the other side of the door with a grunt. Sam shoved his fingers in his ears and sprinted back towards the front door.

He was definitely going to wait for his mom _outside_.


End file.
